A strange question crossed my mind this morning – what situations demand a verbal (or written) response and what situations are helped far more effectively with the deafening sound of silence? I think that most biblically literate people are aware of the dialectic illustrated in the seemingly contradictory teachings of Proverbs 26:4-5. Sometimes you shut your mouth, sometimes you shut the mouth of your opponent. But, how do you make that determination? When is a word aptly chosen to be like an apple in settings of silver, and when is silence to be golden?
I’ve wrestled with this question quite bit lately. I have witnessed some fairly egregious mistakes both in logic and in interpretation, and have (amazingly, for me) managed to keep my mouth shut. For someone who spends significantly more time with his foot in his mouth, I have been pretty proud of myself for my self-restraint. That is, until I feel guilty for letting somebody think he/she has won an argument when all they have really done is to advertise their ignorance. So, I come back to my conundrum – speak up and risk all kinds of negative fallout, or keep silent and risk the opposite, but equal fallout? I do not think I will ever really know for sure, but this is what I have learned in my ever-increasing but not excessively-long sojourn on this earth: It is far better to keep your mouth shut –
When you are not absolutely certain of your facts, or of your discernment of those facts.
There is a difference between knowing something to be true, and knowing beyond any question that said fact is true. I cannot tell you how many times I have offered an absolutely certain-to-be-true assessment of a situation, only to be utterly chagrined that what I thought was true really was not as true as I thought it was. Even if we would be correct about a situation if our discernment of that situation were to be infallible, it can still be wrong if we have missed an important detail. Solution: keep your mouth closed unless you know what you are saying is irrefutably true.
When speaking up would cause more confusion, or hurt feelings, than remaining silent.
I call this “Speaking the truth wearing army boots.” This is speaking the “truth” with a scorched earth policy in mind. “Go ahead and swing the axe and let the chips fall where they may.” How many marriages, families, and churches have been destroyed with such good intentions in mind? You may be right. You may be absolutely right. Keep your mouth shut anyway.
When speaking up simply does more to give validity to your opponent than it does to challenge them.
Believe it or not, some people, and their arguments, just do not need to be refuted – they are self-refuting. None of God’s inspired spokesmen set out to refute every single false teaching. “Have no other gods before me” is a whole lot easier to say than specifically eliminating all eleventy-million different idols that humans have invented. By specifically attempting to individually refute certain teachers (and/or their teachings) we give them far more significance than they are worth. Obviously some opponents do need to be singled out (and Paul and John do a pretty good job with a couple of rabble-rousers), but it is better to keep our powder dry for when we really need to use it, than to go “heretic hunting” and waste valuable time and energy on people and issues that ultimately mean nothing.
When speaking up is ultimately more about showing off your (real or imagined) expertise on the subject under discussion.
I read a book review recently concerning a book that I had just finished. I did not have that high of an opinion about the book, and I was wondering if I was alone in my response. I came across a phrase that made me laugh out loud, and it has become a favorite expression of mine in regard to certain preacher/authors: “(fill in the blank) sure likes to hear himself type.” I have to admit that one stings a little, because I think it is too often true of what I say (or type). I will try to do better, and only tap out what needs to be tapped out.
So, I doubt I have answered the question – but maybe I will print out this post and keep it handy – just in case I get an itchy tongue (or finger to type) something when I just should really keep my mouth shut.
Just a bunch of thoughts going through my head as I wrap up what appears to be my final semester of teaching . . .
~ As opposed to what a many people are thinking and saying, I am not terribly optimistic about the generation of students now in college and just entering college. Every week students presented the most inarticulate, grammatically butchered, and incoherent writings I have ever had the displeasure of reading. I know my experience relates to one tiny slice of one small school, but if my experience is anywhere close to average, the educational system in the United States is in an abysmal condition.
~ On a related note: identifying this rising generation as the “Entitlement Generation” will not be far off. Simply being registered in a course, and submitting the most banal of intellectual production, should guarantee a superior grade. Students who cannot follow the most simple (and direct) instructions as given in the course syllabus will raise Satan from his tomb if they are given the critique their work deserves.
~ I won’t even get into the issue of “helicopter parents.”
~ From the “intellectual whiplash” department – I absolutely despise the concept of allowing high school students to take university level courses. If the purpose of high school is to prepare a student for college, logic must follow that said student is not prepared for college until, wait for it – – – after graduating high school! So, imagine my great shock when I discovered that the #1 student in one of my courses this semester was a high school junior. That situation deeply disturbed me. First, I must congratulate the young scholar because she obviously takes her education seriously and has parents that are equally involved in her development (I know the family, and no, they are not “helicopter parents.”) But, what does that have to say about those who are 2, 3, and sometimes 4 or more years older than she is? Honestly, when a high school junior can write with greater clarity, and with more intellectual acuity, than a second, third, or fourth year collegian, something is seriously wrong!
~ In New Mexico this issue is compounded with the state mandate that a high school student must graduate with at least three hours of college course work. Mandated!! This is pure insanity!! Why should a student, who is not qualified and has no interest in college, be forced to take, and complete, a college course? All that is accomplished is that the college course they are enrolled in is watered down so the unprepared and unmotivated high school students can pass. Oh, but the high school looks good, the college gets the tuition money (from the state, no less), and everybody is happy, happy, happy. Actually, everybody is either drunk, drunk, drunk or disappointed, chagrined, and perplexed.
~ Do you realize that in the state of New Mexico, it is possible to graduate from high school with the equivalent of an Associates Degree from a college? Am I the only one who can see the absurdity of this??
~ In the midst of all this woe, misery, and administrative flagellation, I have been blessed to have come into contact with some of the most wonderful, amazing, and talented young people. As a generation as a whole, I am utterly depressed when I think of this crop of offsprung. Individually, however, there are some amazing young minds – and hearts – among this generation of “millennials” or whatever their sociological moniker is. The hurdles they face in life are epic – not only the garbage that my generation has dumped in their lap, but also the profound difficulty they will have in overcoming the lethargy and narcissism of their peers. As with any generation, some will succeed, and some will fail.
~ Finally, I really must tip the old Fedora to some truly amazing people – the high school teachers and the university professors who daily have to fight an inept and dangerously ignorant legislative process that has crippled the American educational system. It will only be when local school boards have their full power returned to them (read: parental control!) that this debacle will be fixed. I honestly do not know how many teachers survive. But, I know some teachers, and I have been mentored by an amazing administrator who cares so deeply about her students that she can (somehow) fight the ignoramuses off of her back long enough to enter the classroom and do what she loves to do. Such is the story in every school everywhere. My daughter’s teachers are my everyday heroes. What they are asked to do, with what they are given, in the time constraints to which they are limited – is simply unbelievable.
~ Sorry for all the pessimism and negativism. Maybe tomorrow I’ll share how I would fix all of this if I was to be elected king for a day. Until then, thanks for flying in the fog and please return your tray tables to the upright and locked position – it’s gonna be a bumpy flight…
To begin, I am not an “expert” in the field of education. However, I have had more than the average experience both in learning and teaching. I just completed my Doctor of Ministry degree – not the highest peak on Mt. Academia, but it was a hefty hike. I have about 4 years (give or take a month or two) as a flight instructor, both on the ground and in the air, and that qualifies as some pretty unique educational opportunities. When you have a student and a classroom in which death is a very real possibility, you learn to teach effectively pretty quickly. I also have now been teaching in a community college or university setting for four years (one semester at a community college, 3 and 1/2 years at a university). So – Ed. D. I am not, nor am I a retired public educator. But – I have been around the block a couple of times. And, I have a daughter in elementary school – so I can see what is happening from the bottom-up, as well as the top-down.
Everyone is worried about the demise of America via the path of immorality. While I share everyone’s worry about the collapse of biblical morals in our country, I am not convinced that America will fail (or fall) because of lax morals. To be perfectly honest, during the “Roaring 20’s” the crime rate, examples of racial animosity, and, yes, sexual perversity makes our present age look pretty tame. I certainly would not want to be transported back to that time period. Granted, much of the sexual perversity was hidden, but I seriously doubt it was as invisible as many would have us to believe.
No, the reason I fear for America is because of our stunning – almost inexplicable – rejection of the basic concept of education.
I love my students, I really do. There are a few I would like to strangle, but in a good way. I just do not think they are working up to their potential. My frustration with the students in today’s university is that they have been so utterly and completely cheated. They have been told they are the most brilliant, smartest, and most over-achieving generation to grace the world stage – and many of them cannot compose a coherent sentence, let alone an argumentative paragraph or essay. They have been lied to, mass promoted, babied, and coddled ever since they entered kindergarten.
My wife hates it when I get on these rants because she is a substitute teacher, and she is all too familiar with the stresses of teaching. In no way do I want to disparage the well-meaning and hard-working teachers in today’s classrooms. As in any profession there are a lot of bad apples in the barrel, and they certainly give the rest a bad reputation, but 99% of the teachers in today’s classrooms are hard-working, dedicated, education professionals.
The problem with education today revolves around a group of people who, to borrow a phrase, should not even be trusted to be left alone with a pack of matches. They are called “politicians.” Their only job is to raise obscenely huge amounts of money and then to turn that money into votes. They know nothing about education, and except for the occasions when they must address the issue, could care less about education. Professional politicians have gutted the education system here in New Mexico – and they appear to be utterly oblivious to the fact.
Closely related to the politicians are the professional administrative staffs that, as with the politicians, know little and care less about classroom teaching. Those administrators who work their way up from the classroom are generally good administrators. However, those who have nothing more than a higher degree in “Educology” are disasters in the schools. All theory and no practical experience, they take what the politicians hand them and force the teachers to follow. If we had a few more administrators who were willing to stand up to the politicians, our schools would be so much the better.
I am intimately aware of a state university that has been told – get this – that its library holdings are too large. Yes, you read right. The university has to cut its library holdings by upwards of 50 percent because there was simply too many books and journals on the shelves. There must be room made for the foofy coffee and deli bar. And no library would be complete without a commons area where students can gather and plot their next demonstration against the administration. Oy vey. I guess you get what you pay for.
At its core, education is really a very simple process. You start with the absolute minimum that is necessary, and you add piece by piece, drilling and memorizing and practicing and rehearsing, until you have a principle or a concept mastered. Then you add another piece, and you drill and memorize and practice and rehearse until it is mastered – and on and on you go. There is something wonderfully egalitarian about the fact that in English subjects almost always precede verbs, and the fact that 5 x 4 = 20. The social issues faced in an inner city school in Baltimore cannot be compared to the social issues faced on the reservations of northwest New Mexico, but nouns and verbs and multipliers and divisors are always the same. For all the variables in social contexts, education itself is wonderfully fair. If you work hard, you learn. If you play all day, and if your teacher’s hands are basically tied behind their backs – you don’t learn. And that, my friends, is what is happening all across our beautiful fruited plain.
Employers are experiencing a greater and greater difficulty in hiring qualified workers. Simple tasks like writing a report or giving a public presentation are impossible when the employee is used to communicating with sentences like “y are u l8??” I have students that think Wikipedia is an academic cornucopia, except that they would not recognize what the word “cornucopia” actually means unless they “google” it.
America is at risk – and not necessarily from immorality. America is at risk because young Americans are not being pushed to be the most highly educated workers in the world economy. We are in the process of dumbing down our educational system to the point that our graduates will simply not be able to find good jobs, and those that do end up being employed are going to have to be re-trained and re-taught by their employers at a staggering cost. Those nations that insist on basic, fundamental education are going to pass by the United States like we were standing still, if they have not already done so.
The United States put men on the moon learning how to spell and cipher and speak intelligently using techniques that are now considered passé and, in some circles, even damaging. I wonder why that is? Are we actually afraid of success? Do we actually fear accomplishment? Why do we reward mediocrity? Why is everyone so content with this trend?
I give a huge shout-out to my peers who genuinely do care about their students and the process of education. I hope you serve long enough to see the trend reversed. I know you care – and I thank my daughter’s teachers who care about her and her classmates. I know how you are limited – and I see your frustration. Maybe, just maybe, sanity will return, and you can begin teaching the way your heart and your head tell you is the best way to teach. We can hope, anyway.
I’m not exactly sure the process that encouraged me to read this book – I had a bunch of “irons in the fire” over the past couple of years, and a note indicates I bought this book in July of 2013 – so it has been a while since I have read it. It has taken me a while to get around to reviewing it, but that time delay does not reflect on the importance of the book.
There are some books that you read and you think, “Wow, I wish I had thought of that.” Other books you read and you think, “I’m not sure I agree with that, or I do not think the author made his case very well here.” And then there are the books that you read and you think, “Wow. I agree with the author, and I really wish that he was not right.” Bergler’s book fit that third category for me. I have felt that Bergler’s thesis was true for quite some time, but I could not have said it as powerfully or as eloquently as Bergler does.
Bergler’s thesis is given on pages 4 and 8:
Beginning in the 1930s and 1940s, Christian teenagers and youth leaders staged a quiet revolution in American Church life which can properly be called the juvenilization of American Christianity. Juvenilization is the process by which the religious beliefs, practices, and developmental characteristics of adolescents become accepted as appropriate for Christians of all ages.
And then this:
Adolescent Christianity is any way of understanding, experiencing, or practicing the Christian faith that conforms to the patterns of adolescence in American culture.
The main point of the book is that due to the influence of the adolescent culture shift that started in the 1930’s, the American church is basically a church of adolescents. This is not something that can be undone, according to Bergler. Indeed, he states emphatically that his book is NOT a manual on how to eliminate juvenilization – and the last chapter is dedicated to “The Triumph and Taming of Juvenilization.”
Bergler demonstrates how each of the major groups of American Christianity (Liberals andConservatives, Catholics and Protestants) have been affected by this trend. The one group that he points out that has managed to resist the process is the Black church. This is true because Black Christians did a much better job of integrating their youth into the entire church and thereby fostered a greater degree of maturity as their youth matured.
In contrast, by creating, and by constantly re-creating age specific “youth groups” complete with their own “youth ministers,” the vast majority of the American church scene simply allowed their youth to stagnate in the period of life we call adolescence. The problem is that now “we are all adolescents” as the introduction is titled. Just think of the major issues in the American church today and you will find that at the root there is a systemic lack of Christian maturity. Everyone wants the church to be what they want it to be, not what Christ has called the church to be.
Having gone through adolescence in the 1970’s this book was a hard read for me. I loved the youth group that gave me so much strength as a young Christian. But I can see now how we have bent the church to try to match the demands of what can only be described as “adolescence” that we have lost sight of Paul’s instruction to “grow up into maturity . . . into Christ.” By allowing everyone to stay an adolescent, we have almost killed the church.
The one problem I have with the book is Bergler’s acceptance of the problem he identified. True, in the final pages he discusses how the process needs to be “tamed,” but I do not see how the issue he discusses can be dealt with short of ending it. Adolescence may be a necessary stage of growth for today’s young people, but in no way do we want them to stay stuck in adolescence. We want to move them to maturity – we want to move the church to maturity. We want, or maybe better put, we NEED to grow up!
I heartily recommend the book. It may open your eyes, it may challenge you, and you may thoroughly disagree with Bergler, but in my (humble) opinion you cannot disregard the issue that he reveals.
Hmm. Never had to deal with this before, but after several unpublishable comments were delivered the other day I thought maybe I would explain why some comments show up and others don’t.
First, I love conversations. I love the give and take of blogs such as this. I comment on other blogs occasionally, and really enjoy hearing from my readers.
Or, at least for the majority of comments.
Here is a list of suggestions that folks may want to follow if they want to join in a conversation with me, correct me, or just add their two cents worth:
1. Keep it classy. Make personal attacks and the blogger will more than likely delete your comment without it ever seeing the light of day. I personally do not mind disagreement, but attack me (or, especially one of my other readers) and to the trashcan your comment goes.
2. Make your point without vulgar, juvenile language. Potty mouths are banished forever.
3. If you are going to disagree with me, at least make clear to me the basis on which you disagree with me. If you disagree with me because you accept the Book of Mormon or because you do not believe that Paul’s writings were inspired, then fine, disagree with me. I certainly make no claims for inspiration. But this is a forum concerning all things pertaining to Christian theology, not mythology or 19th century fiction.
4. Like most other bloggers, I own my comments but no one else’s. So, if someone is going to get upset about something that is written on this blog I want them to get upset with what I can control, not what I cannot control. If you “flame” someone or some group, especially violating points one and/or two above, then regardless of how pertinent your comment may be, I am going to delete it.
5. Even if I accept one or more of your previous comments, if in a later comment you get a little unruly I may choose to have you stick your nose in a corner until you can learn to play nice.
One personal belief that I have is that honest, deep-felt convictions can be expressed in honorable ways, even if the passion behind those statements is clearly expressed. As I have said before, an opinion not worth defending is not worth having. I know I have written about some very controversial issues and that many people disagree with me. If I am wrong then I want to be taught, I want to be corrected, so that I can correct my own false teachings and “move on to maturity” as the author of Hebrews would say it. So, I do not fear disagreement nor an honest exchange of opinions and interpretations.
But, let’s be clear about one thing: just because you hit the “submit” button does not mean I have to hit the “approve” button.
In regard to this blog, just as one rejected commenter needs to deal with some serious issues regarding human sexuality; another really, really, really needs to hone up on his/her understanding of church/ecclesial/textual history. Ignorance of an academic topic can be excused – absolute and repeated stupidity cannot be.
I’ve been accused of saying controversial things. Don’t know whether I could ever be convicted or not. Even very recently I have been taken to task over some things that I’ve said, things that I felt were smack dab right down the middle of what it means to be a disciple of Christ. In the famous words of the movie, “Cool Hand Luke” and later “Smokey and the Bandit,” what we’ve got here is a failure to communicate.
So, just for giggles and grins I thought I would explain my view of why preachers (and bloggers) sometimes say controversial things.
1. Sometimes they are jerks. There, I said it. I knew some of you would be looking for this one, so I decided to start off with it. Yes, some preachers are jerks – obnoxious morons who go through life with the motto, “I’m not happy until everyone around me is unhappy.” Of course there is no defense for these people, and I hope I do not fit that category.
2. Sometimes they are just clumsy. They are not intentionally rude, crude and socially unacceptable, it just seems like if there is a way to mis-state something or make a comment at the wrong time they manage to find and take advantage of that opportunity.
3. Conversely, some people have 10 sore thumbs, and they spend their day doing nothing but searching for hammers to stick those sore thumbs under so that they can yell and kick and scream at the one who wielded the hammer. In other words, what the preacher said was not so controversial, it was the ears of the person who heard it that caused the problem. I can relate here. I have had my fair share of people who are incapable of hearing what I said. Even if I plainly said, “I don’t believe in ‘X'” I would have the person walk up to me and challenge me in that “I’m concerned about your salvation” tone of voice, “Why do you believe in ‘X’.” Honestly, what do you do with such a person?
Those were all pretty bad reasons for a preacher either to be controversial, or to be accused of being controversial. Now let’s look at some other reasons:
4. The naming of sin is controversial. If he does his job well, the preacher must hold his congregation to a higher standard than what the world sets forth. That means he must not only name sin, he must condemn it. A preacher who never challenges his congregation, a preacher who always makes his flock feel better about themselves and the world around them, and a preacher who believes it is his task to make his congregation “happy, happy, happy” is not worth listening to. The “Good News,” the gospel, must be preached in its entirety (and thus there must always be the proclamation of redemption) but the message of mankind’s fall from grace must precede that message of redemption. When you start naming sins, you start becoming controversial. No one likes to hear their pet character flaw be named as a sin that would separate them from God.
5. If he is to do his job well, a preacher must spend a large portion of his time on the mountain talking with God. If he does so intently and humbly, when he comes down from that mountain his face should be shining with the glory of God. That means the words he speaks, having received them from God, will be threatening for the people who hear it. (Ref. Exodus 34:29f). Please note: I say this by way of illustration, not literally. But a man who spends time in the presence of a holy God is going to preach different from someone who simply reads commentaries and the daily newspaper. His words should be controversial – unless he is preaching to a congregation of God’s cherubim and seraphim.
6. Related to #5, this world is a bent and broken place. When you try to fix a bent piece of metal or warped piece of wood you face resistance. Once a body reaches a certain state of being, it will resist any attempt to change that status. What “is” becomes what “ought to be.” The only problem is, what “is” is very rarely what God wants it to be. Therefore, in order to change, there has to be some discomfort, some pain. That pain is frequently identified as the preacher being controversial. He is, but intentionally and biblically so. God intends his spokesmen to be controversial in order to change what “is” into what “ought to be.”
I know points 4, 5, and 6 are closely related, but each has its own little nuance. I hope they make sense. Simply put, I believe in the message of Ezekiel 3:16ff. If a man feels called by God to proclaim the words of God, some of what he says (albeit not everything he says) will be controversial. If it is not, then I believe that minister is simply failing to be the watchman that he is called to be.
A personal confession here. While I have been all too guilty of reasons 1 and 2 above, I feel that to an even greater extent I have failed in my duties as a preacher and “watchman.” I have avoided controversy, sometimes at all costs, and I have been too quick to retreat when I should have spurred my faithful steed and charged into the battle. It is difficult, sometimes exceptionally so, for a young minister to know where the line is and when it is more valuable to cross it and when he should back away from it. No one should ever be a jerk, and it does not help to be clumsy. I have been guilty of being both. I need to work on that. But I also know I have been rock solid, straight-as-an-arrow right about something, and I have pulled back simply because I have not wanted to “rock the boat.” I need to work on that weakness as well. I do not want the “failure to communicate” to be my failure to stand for what is right and true.
Controversy can be, and often is, a blight upon a preacher’s ministry. But it need not be, and it should go without saying that if there is never any controversy then perhaps the preacher is simply following the sheep and not tending them. What is sinful is not the existence of controversy, but the mishandling of that controversy. Does the preacher need to be rebuked? Do so in a biblical and spiritual manner. But, why is controversy always the fault of the preacher? On the other hand, does the complainer need to be rebuked? Paul plainly and clearly rebuked Peter, and John openly rebuked Diotrephes. Unless we are to assume that both Paul and John were blatant sinners and disturbers of the peace, we have to understand that sometimes a wayward, belligerent or complaining church member needs to be told to straighten up and fly right.
There I go, being controversial again.
Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land which the LORD your God gives you. (Exodus 20:12)
I did not specifically plan to write about parents just before Mother’s Day. I guess that was just serendipity. But it does allow me to get something off of my chest. More of that in a moment – but first, let us look at this command.
Have you ever wondered why, after four commands that specifically relate to God and how we are to honor Him, that the first command that relates to our fellow humans is a command to honor our parents? This is not just important, I think this is critical to stop and ponder.
Our culture is respect phobic. Just think about what passes as humor today, what gets the biggest laughs. If a comedian can make a joke about any authority figure the house goes crazy. We disrespect the office of the President of the United States. We disrespect the Senate, the House of Representatives, the Supreme Court. We disrespect the courts and our police officers. We disrespect spiritual leaders (especially if they are conservative Christian spiritual leaders!) and we disrespect school teachers.
And all of this disrespect begins in the home. We, as a culture, have virtually dismissed the concept of respecting our fathers and our mothers.
Unfortunately, I fear a great deal of this situation began with parents who decided they did not need to be respected. Somewhere back in the 1960’s or maybe a decade or so later the latest and greatest philosophy was that parents were not supposed to be authority figures, they were to be their children’s best friends. So, respect went out the door and it was replaced with a faux friendship, something that was neither friendship nor was it parental leadership. A generation deprived of parental guidance then went on to raise their children without any real understanding as to how to be parents. Now, at least the third generation of children is being raised by parents who do not know how to instill respect, and more tragically, will not support those adults who are left who are capable of teaching respect.
Respect must be learned, but if there are no teachers, how can it be taught?
Strangely enough, it is exactly during this time that the “Hallmark Card” holidays of Mothers Day and Fathers Day (and now Grandparents Day and who knows what other day we will choose to celebrate) exploded. I think there is a telling sociological process going on here.
Simply put – we are not honoring our parents throughout our normal year, so when that one “special” day comes along we have to assuage our guilt and so we buy flowers, or an expensive necklace, or a fancy gizmo for dad, and we pass that off as “honoring” our mother or our father. How many times will you be told just before Mothers Day or Fathers Day to “honor” your mom or dad by spending a lot of money on something that is either basically pretty trashy or on something that will wilt and fade away within days if not hours? That is honor? Excuse me, but that is buying forgiveness to mollify a guilty conscience.
We don’t honor our parents by giving them some cheesy gift once a year. We honor our parents by respecting and obeying them while we are in their homes, and by continuing to honor and respect their guidance throughout our adult years. We honor our parents by raising our children to believe in and to respect the teachings that our parents instilled in us. We honor our parents by working hard and by doing our best in everything that we do. We honor our parents in the way we treat other parents who are both older and younger than we are. We honor our parents by mentoring younger parents in the craft of raising children – and that means that we demand respect from those tyrannical three year olds who absolutely refuse to offer it. We honor our parents with our words, our actions, and our thoughts. Everything that we do communicates either that we respect and honor our parents, or that we could not care less about those who raised us.
We honor our parents when, at that point we must disagree with them, or decide that we must act or believe in a way that our parents would never act or believe, that we still honor and cherish the guidance that brought us to our adult decision. No parent is ever perfect, and in a way it is no dishonor to disagree with our parents. But it is a huge sign of disrespect to mock or disparage the thoughts and beliefs that our parents held deeply. We can disagree in a most holy and honorable manner.
Our “retirement centers” and “nursing homes” and other facilities have become nothing more than warehouses for abandoned and disrespected parents. I know that many older adults can no longer take care of themselves and require specialized attention. I am not speaking about those individuals. I am speaking about those parents whose children cannot be bothered by the physical demands of taking care of an older parent and who simply ship them off to some out-of-the-way institution so that they can maintain their upper middle class lifestyle of soccer games and ballet recitals and country club events.
When we disrespect and dishonor our parents the land will vomit us out. I think that is pretty much the message of Exodus 20:12.
I do not think that day is in our future. I think it is here and now. We live in a land of mockery, abandonment, disrespect. Do not be deceived. God is not mocked. That which a man sows, he shall also reap. I think that is pretty much a New Testament principle. And, sadly, I think we are living it out right now.
“Holy God, as our eternal Father – teach us how to respect. Give us the courage both to respect our elders and to instill respect in our children. Help us to once again live in a land blessed by the sweet odor of respect and honor. Help us to see the error of our way, and lead us back onto the path that we have forsaken so long ago.
Just sitting here ruminating on a subject that has been festering for a while. I really do not know who to address this to, so it will just be an open letter – directed at no one in particular and a lot of people in general.
To all those who are fed up with, cannot stand, and are otherwise angry at the church. I think I get your message. I want to say “I think” because to say “I fully understand” would be presumptuous. Because I have not met you personally, you may not fit every description that I mention in what follows. So, let me begin on a foundation of humility. I want to understand where you are coming from, and to a certain degree I think I get you. And, whether you believe me or not, in many areas I agree with you. But still, there is a yawning chasm between the two of us that bothers me…
The overwhelming majority of you are in your third decade of life. Some are much older, some are younger. That tells me that the majority of you simply have not had the opportunity to experience so much of life that longevity teaches. You may have traveled extensively, you may have lived with the richest of the rich and the poorest of the poor. But, you are still young. Youth has its advantages, to be sure. But youth also has its severe limitations. There is a reason that God turned the leadership of the church over to a group of individuals we refer to as elders. Age does a lot of things to our bodies, but it is an incredible teacher for our hearts and minds. So, I am not necessarily criticizing you for your youth, but I am making a point. You have not seen a lot of things and experienced a lot of life simply because you are not old enough to have done so. Hang around a while – you will.
That leaves some of you who are my age and older who still angry at the church but for entirely different reasons. Maybe something I say will speak to you as well, but I fear the issues you have need another letter. Increased chronological age does not necessarily equate to increased maturity. An angry senior citizen is no improvement over an angry toddler.
I want to tell you that we – the older generation that you seem to be so bent on overcoming – have been where you have been and we have done what you are doing. With our grandfathers, or maybe for some of us our fathers, it was the “social gospel.” For many others of us it was that promising panacea called “youth ministry.” Then there was the “bus ministry.” Our pet phrase was “ministry with a social conscience.” Then we were saved by becoming “seeker sensitive.” We were given a healthy dose of “purpose driven.” Now we are told the only thing that can save us to to become “emergent” “incarnational” or “missional.” Next up – “discipling.” We have been transfixed with Billy Sunday, Billy Graham, Bill Hybels, Rick Warren and now Rob Bell and Brian McLaren. It has become so confusing that we need a scorecard to keep up with all the slogans and phrases and personalities. It’s just that we – the old gray head set – need bifocals to read all the small print.
As a member of the “traditional, fundamentalist, backward, Luddite” generation that provides so much of the anger that you are venting, I would like to suggest that you take a moment to analyze why it is that we are so wary of your efforts. After reading volumes of your books, scanning your blogs and watching your You Tube videos, I would gently like to suggest that you criticize without offering the least indication you have attempted to understand what it is you are criticizing. You think that you are criticizing the “established, traditional, fundamentalist church” but who you are actually criticizing are people. Real people. People who have stood where you are standing and who have asked the same questions and who have been through a lot more fights and defeats than you have.
You come across as selfish, arrogant, narcissistic, and vain. The very traits, I would suggest, that you criticize us for being.
You preach a tolerance of ideas and practices and yet you ridicule and reject the values and beliefs of the generations who have gone before you.
And, I say again lest I be misunderstood, we can recognize these failings because we pioneered them. You are simply perfecting the faults we instilled within you. But I hasten to add – the fact you have perfected them is no honor.
If we are hesitant to accept your panacea for church renewal I suggest that it is because we are tired of the rhetoric – the empty promises and of dealing with the burned out remains of ours and previous failures. The generation that is older than I am had to deal with me – they heard the same empty promises and they dealt with the same blown-up congregations and they had to pull out the bandages and try to put broken people and lives back together. And my generation blithely walked away from all the carnage and smugly patted ourselves on the back for being such faithful and devoted disciples of the Prince of Peace. Until it happened to us. Now we see the same thing that our forefathers experienced and it gives us a lot of heartbreak. We cannot undo what we did, but we are not much interested in having the same thing happen to us.
Believe me, many of us are looking for something better! We have not lost the idealism of our youth, but the scars and the broken bones have taught us to be a little careful about how we go about instigating change. We may need bifocals to read our old leather-bound Bibles, but we can see through the dim lights of your “new” worship. We may need hearing aids, but we hear nothing of substance in your theologically vapid praise bands. And we can smell a rat through the fog of your incense.
So, please – if you are asking us to give you the courtesy of listening to the next one greatest discovery that will save the church from every evil that befalls it, give us the courtesy of realizing we have heard this song before. We sang it too. We even added a few verses and an endless repeating chorus. Realize that we are not your enemy until you back us into a corner and give us no other option but to either leave or fight back. Yes, there are individuals who are my age and older who have demonized every word you say and every idea you put forward. I do not like them any more than you do. I reject their rhetoric and their hateful attitudes. Every mansion has a few cobwebs in the corners.
I appreciate your enthusiasm for the Lord and His church. I appreciate that you are not only willing, but also very capable of the skill of analysis and problem solving. I would suggest that one skill you are lacking significantly is the skill of the appreciation of history – your history, and your immediate history to be exact. I would also like to suggest that unless you seek to remedy this gap in your resume you will find yourself in an interesting situation in about 20 years or so – give or take a few.
You will be exactly where I am, peering through your new pair of bi-focals, writing an open letter to your children and grandchildren who have discovered the next latest and greatest saving prescription for the church they have discovered is old and stale and irrelevant.
The very church you are in the process of creating.
An old guy who is willing to listen, but justifiably cautious about swallowing every idea just because it is new.
Please, learn to be comfortable in your own skin.
I grew up as many people do, thinking that I had to be something that I was not, and quite honestly, was never, ever, going to be able to become. It is, to be perfectly blunt, a lousy way to live. But so many of us are conditioned by society (parents, school mates, teachers, preachers, trusted adults, etc) to think this way that it seems rather abnormal to find someone who just wants to be who they are, regardless of their cultural preconditions. With me it was not my parents (who were and are amazingly supportive) but rather the larger culture in which I was raised.
Just a couple of examples. For many, many years I was led to believe that I had to be an evangelist or else I was going to be a second class citizen of heaven (or worse.) My eternal fate would be sealed by the number of persons who would tell St. Peter at the pearly gates who baptized them. If I met that magical number of inclusion into the sainted masses, well then I was in. Miss it by one or two and I might as well learn how to love sulphur and brimstone.
It took me quite a while to find Romans 12, 1 Corinthians 12, and Ephesians 4. It seems to me that the apostle Paul was quite satisfied to admit that not everyone could be, or even should be, an evangelist. Isn’t it amazing to discover that someone who beats you over the head with a Bible has missed such a huge part of it? Now, don’t get me wrong – I love preaching and teaching. I will study the Bible with anyone, anytime. But I am most certainly NOT a personal evangelist and I never will be one. But, I learned that is okay. I had to learn how to be content in my own skin.
When I got out of preaching (for a while) I became a pilot. Now, in the pilot world the equivalent of being a personal evangelist is being the captain of a Boeing 747 or Airbus jumbo jet. I was a little bit older, but I was still driven by the concept that I had to perform at a certain level or that somehow I was just not good enough, or that I still had some mountain to climb. Quite honestly I did not want to pay the price to become a captain of a Boeing 747, so failing to meet that expectation did not hurt too much. But I learned something valuable along the way. New generation Boeings and Airbuses basically fly themselves. And, for the piloting part that the plane does not fly itself there is a crew of two highly trained and very proficient pilots. In the job that I had (flying freight for a small company) all I had was me and a plane that as often as not did not even have a functioning auto pilot. And when I did get a plane with an functioning auto pilot all it did was keep the wings level and the altitude steady. I still had to fly the plane through weather that ducks would not fly into, and I had to do it by myself. That, my friends, is really piloting an airplane. I learned that the big boys could sit on the tarmac and swelter in 110 degree heat all they wanted to. I was going to enjoy flying my little Cessna 402 and 404 and really enjoy flying the airplane. Chalk up another lesson in being content in my own skin.
During my brief stint as a hospice chaplain I had the supervisor from Gehenna. This person was not happy with anything that I did (well, with one notable exception). I did not visit enough, or I visited too much. I did not give enough counsel or I gave too much. Once I met with a family at their request and had a wonderful session. The next week I was called on the carpet for not involving another “team” member (who, by the way, never included me in their meetings with families). It was utter misery. But, my skin was getting thicker and I knew who I was, what I was capable of (and, equally important, not capable of) and so finally I just chucked the whole situation in my supervisors lap and walked away. No one has the right to make another person miserable for doing a job to the best of the person’s ability and giftedness.
I now find myself as an educator and administrator. I find out daily that I am gifted in ways I did not fully realize, and I find out daily that I am a real klutz at things that I once thought I was good at, or at least was going to be good at. But, I’m nearing the age where I could be considered a “classic” (although far from “antique”) and maybe for the first time in my life I can say with quiet calm – I’m good with my gifts and I am cool with my limitations. I cannot take credit for the first, and I refuse to be blamed for the second. I am mortal, and every mortal is good at something and bad at others. I may not be a personal evangelist, but how many personal evangelists have landed an airplane full of critical documents, medicines and other essential freight at an airport shrouded in fog where the visibility is one half of a mile and the overhead ceiling is 200 feet? And in an airplane going over 100 miles an hour? Hmmmmm?
Two words of caution here. One, I am not speaking of throwing up your hands and saying, “that’s just the way I am, get over it” if you are behaving in a way that is truly counter to Kingdom behavior. I am not saying be happy if you are living in a sinful relationship or condition. God expects all people everywhere to live according to His standards, His criteria. I am not giving you permission to dismiss God’s word or the teachings of his Son.
Two, just because I may not be gifted in some areas, or even if I am gifted in other areas, that does not mean I cannot try to improve where I feel God has called me. I want to become a better preacher, teacher and administrator. I would not even mind becoming a better personal evangelist. But I must use God’s standards for my life, not the standards of someone else who is exceptionally gifted in one particular area, and who cannot accept or refuses to accept that not everyone is as gifted as they are in that area.
Get comfortable in your own skin. God made you to be someone special – find the dirt where you feel especially happy and bloom where you are planted.
And don’t let some supervisor from Gehenna tell you that you are worthless. God sent his Son to die for you to tell you you are priceless!
It is right there in the middle of all the blood and guts, the “thou shalts” and the “thou shalt nots.” It is a tiny little verse, hardly more than a gnat’s whisker in the whole scheme of God’s ponderous revelation. Alone and overlooked, it sits quietly, and maybe even patiently, waiting for someone to read it, to listen to it, maybe even to take it to heart.
You shall stand up before the gray head and honor the face of an old man, and you shall fear your God: I am the LORD. Leviticus 19:32.
We live in an ever-increasing senior-phobic society. We warehouse our elderly in “care homes” or “retirement centers” or some other euphemistically appropriate term. Those names are nothing but short-hand for, “a place to put the old and worthless until they die.” Billions of dollars are spent in the frivolous attempt to keep ourselves from showing any age: memberships at the gym, expensive surgery, hair color by the gallon.
The youth of our population are venerated and sought after. If a question of generational conflict arises, the deference is given to those who are barely out of adolescence, or perhaps barely entering it. A generation that does not even have the capacity to understand the questions are being given the responsibility of coming up with the answers. And the answers that they are providing are being utilized with hardly a thought being raised as to their truth or ultimate health. The answer seems to work now, and now is the only thing that matters, so let’s go with what works. “Damn the torpedoes, full speed ahead.”
We are in the midst of a huge economic downturn. Those who are most vulnerable are those in the middle ages, those who have valuable work experience, but who also have four or five decades of existence behind them. Sorry. You cost too much. Better to hire someone who knows how to work a computer, but does not have a work ethic. At least we don’t have to pay them as much for the work they don’t produce.
The same is true in the church – if not even more true. Congregation after congregation wants the maturity of a man who has been in the traces for 15 years, but they want that maturity behind the face of a 30 year old. Excuse me? How does that math work? Let a man turn 50 and he might as well forget finding a preaching position today. Never mind that at 50 he has finally achieved a little bit of education from the school of hard knocks and might actually know how to properly preach and guide a congregation.
Even our “elders” come with children in diapers. An “elder” at 35? Who exactly is he “elder” than?
Rehoboam could have had the entire nation of Israel as his servants. The older, the wiser, the “gray heads” all told him to respect the people, listen to the people, lighten their load – be their servant leader. He turned to his younger comrades. They scoffed in derision. Forget the gray-beards, they said. Double down. Make the people pay. Show ’em what you are made of. Show ’em who is boss. Rehoboam listened to the young fools instead of the wisdom of the sages, and he lost his kingdom. He split God’s people and they never recovered.
I speak as a baby-boomer who is watching the age and wisdom of the generation ahead of me pass away slowly but surely, and in ever increasing numbers. Because of the accident of my birth I grew up in a situation where I have never known sacrifice. I have never known want, or hunger, or deprivation of any kind. How can I pass on to my daughter knowledge that I have never obtained? And why should I listen to someone 20 years my junior who has spent those 20 years in a more favored and ostentatious culture than the one I was given? Why are they lecturing ME about how life should work, and why should I listen to them? What wars have they fought? What depression did they live through? What nation have they built? What sorrows have they lived through? What obstacles have they overcome?
I am not asking these questions in anger or sarcasm. I am asking them sincerely and openly. I want to know why I should look to youth instead of age for the wisdom to know how to solve the problems of a bent and broken world.
Today we are in the process of eliminating the wisdom of the ages from our congregations. We no longer rise in the presence of the gray hair. We no longer honor the face of an old man or an old woman. We are therefore, if I read the passage correctly, in the process of eliminating the fear of the LORD our God.
Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind. Turn the nation, turn the church, turn anything over to those who do not have the experience or the knowledge to make the wise decisions and the results will be assured.
But that tiny little verse is still there, still waiting, still hoping that someone, somewhere will listen to it. Maybe a young person will read it and listen to it, and maybe even take it to heart. We can hope.